A
Spell for Converting Nine Lives into Ten
When you’ve had more than your fair share of brushes
with danger, you may begin to wonder how many lives you actually have
left. Naturally, you’re far too busy to keep boring numerical
inventories, so you’re never really sure whether you’re
up to life number eight or nine. This spell guarantees you have one
more chance up your sleeve, and is particularly useful for senior citizens.
 You
will need:
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An uncharacteristic reluctance to go on adventures
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Increased capacity for sleep
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A cushioned windowsill with a view
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A closer relationship with your humans
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Dedication to avoiding all kinds of vehicles
- A willingness
to expand your supervisory experience
Method
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Never, ever, ever again cross a busy street. Ever.
-
Accept that your days of fighting with aggressive, germ-ridden tomcats
are now far behind you.
-
Change your favourite sleeping areas; driveways, or bonnets of parked
cars are no longer viable options.
-
Convert your hands-on involvement in the street action to a more supervisory
role. This can be done effectively from the comfort of a cushioned
windowsill.
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- Locate
three new places that are warm, secure and quiet. Perform controlled
scientific tests on their potential as long-term sleeping locations
by spending at least four hours a day in each.
-
Impress upon your humans that you have an increasing need for
comfort and reassurance. They will be highly delighted that
you suddenly seem to like them and will fuss around you. The
more considerate will completely change their routines to suit
your needs and may even resign from demanding jobs in order
to spend more time at home with you.
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Incantation
With advancing age, there’s no need to rampage.
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